In my recent First Peter sermon, I mentioned the importance of arming young people with biblical truths on unequally yoked matters and how crucial it is to do so before they go dating and not after. This is a sensitive topic and definitely one that is found within the pages of the Bible. From OT to NT, it is undeniably there. Therefore, I would say, surely, it is the duty of every church to at least have biblical discussions on these matters with their youth and young adults. However, as always, the burden of such a duty rests even more so, on the shoulders of Christian parents. Are there resources helpful in this endeavour? There is a book that specifically addresses this topic called “The Unequal Yoke: When Two May Not Walk Together.”
Interestingly, this is a local book by a local writer so the sharing from this book is very relatable to us Singaporeans. This is a book by Dr David Wong. I do not know him personally except for some brief conversations with him when he was our church camp speaker back in those years when I was still serving in Bukit Arang. I found his book easy to read without the need to wade through anything overly technical. Having prepared more than 200 couples for marriage, Dr David Wong draws from his rich pastoral experiences in the writing of the book. The title of his book comes from 1 Corinthians 6:14 where the apostle Paul warns the Church in Corinth to guard against unequally yoked relationships. This term is often associated with spiritually unhealthy partnerships between Christians and non-Christians, particularly in the marriage context. In his book, Dr Wong begins with a very helpful definition:
“The unequal yoke then, has to be clearly understood. A yoke refers to a partnership where two or more parties join hands and walk together. When they are fundamentally different, they will invariably walk in different directions. We have applied this to business as well as ecclesiastical partnerships. Fateful as such unequal yokes may be, they cannot compare in seriousness with the third kind of partnership – marriage. In the former two partnerships, liaisons made can be terminated. In marriage, it is for life, till death ends the partnership. Marriage is a partnership that lasts a lifetime. Once committed, husband and wife will walk together, for better or for worse, for as long as they live. With an unequal yoke, the road ahead for them presents thorny issues and difficult challenges.”
In his book, Dr. Wong explains a lot of thorny issues arising from this matter with a keen pastoral eye. He explains the different scenarios that he has faced counselling couples and the impact it can have with children coming into the picture. He explains why Christians tend to prefer to find romance outside of the church. He explains why he would not attend an unequal yoke wedding. He explains why it is biblical to be gracious and accepting to those who have chosen to walk that path and practical ways to show love and acceptance. He explains why the church must not come across as harsh on this matter so as to drive away those who need help while at the same time, be making a strong stand on it so as not to embolden those who need caution.
One thing that struck me when I read the book is on page 46, where he talks about how the Bible-Presbyterian Synod issued a “Declaration of Marriages” for its churches in Singapore some decades ago. It stated that:
“Christians should marry Christians, whether the wedding is performed in the Church or outside the Church.”
The declaration made reference to the Westminster Confession of Faith in Chapter 24, Article III:
“It is lawful for all sorts of people to marry who are able with judgement to give consent; yet it is the duty of Christians to marry only in the Lord.”
I am sure Dr Wong would be familiar with the Bible Presbyterians’ statements of faith and practices having been pastoring Mount Carmel B-P church for a good 20 years. However, this was new to me. I never knew this was in the Westminster Confession and never knew that churches would enshrine such matters in their official statements. I had thought that only super foundational teachings like the Trinity are found in such statements. So the book was an eye-opener for me. Those interested to get a copy can head towards this site:
https://armourpublishing.com/product/the-unequal-yoke/
Like I said, I do not know the man personally and sure am not receiving any form of profit in recommending his book.
Peace
C L