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成俊七年前在大学时信了主，可是他不去教会。主要是因为多年前他提过想去教会，妈妈一口回他：”我不喜欢你去教会。”

小莉的内心世界完全被男朋友的心情牵着走。他发来一条意思模糊的信息，就能让她担心得不得了。她不敢说出自己的想法，男朋友说什么就是什么，因为怕惹他不高兴。

你可以称它同侪压力、讨好别人，或者情感依赖。总之，想得到某些人的认可、和怕被某些人不认可，这常常占满我们的心思。这是很普遍的经历。

圣经怎么看

圣经把这叫做”对人的惧怕”，而它往往伴随着对神的看小。爱德华·韦尔契（Ed Welch）有一本很好的书，书名就直指问题的核心：《親愛的，別把上帝縮小了》。请留意下面这几节经文，是怎样把敬畏神和惧怕人对比起来的：

“惧怕人的，必陷入网罗；倚靠耶和华的，必得安全。”（箴言 29:25）

“我倚靠神，就必不惧怕，人能把我怎么样呢？”（诗篇 56:11）

“那些杀身体却不能杀灵魂的，不要怕他们；倒要怕那位能把灵魂和身体都投入地狱里的。”（马太福音 10:28）

“凡是把我和我的道当作可耻的，人子在自己与父并圣天使的荣耀里降临的时候，也必把他当作可耻的。”（路加福音 9:26）

这些经文告诉我们，惧怕人和敬畏耶和华是相反的，一个增长，另一个就缩小。所以圣经对讨好别人的诊断是：我们怕人胜过怕神。”胜过怕神”这一点，是圣经给我们的关键洞见，也超越了在世俗心理学里”社交焦虑”的标签。

看见两种现实

要改变以人为中心的眼光，我们除了看得见的现实，还要把看不见的现实放在心里。耶稣在受难前一晚对门徒说的话，就呈现这样”双重眼光”的模范。我们可以用下面这个表，把约翰福音 16:32 和其他经文里的两种现实列出来：

	看得见的现实	看不见的现实
约翰福音 16:32	“看哪，时候要到，而且已经到了，你们要分散，各人到自己的地方去，只留下我独自一个人。”	“其实我不是独自一个人，因为有父与我同在。”
马太福音 10:28	人能杀死身体。	神能把身体和灵魂都灭在地狱里
诗篇 27:10	（大卫说）“我的父母离弃我”	“耶和华却收留我”
创世记 29-30 章	雅各爱拉结胜过爱利亚	耶和华顾念利亚，使她生养儿女

我们不需要否认别人对我们的反应的真实性。但目标是让右边那一栏，也就是看不见的现实，越来越主导我们，成为我们关注的焦点。当我们发觉自己过分渴望得到某个人的认可，或者过分害怕某个人不认可我们时，就去默想神那看不见的爱与照顾。

在这些圣经应许的，看不见的现实当中，最重要的就是福音的真理：神借着羔羊那宝贵、不朽坏的血，与我们立了约，祂永远不会拒绝我们。我们要常常彼此提醒，也提醒自己：神的爱是无条件的，祂对我们的接纳是永远的。

神必须变得更大

说到底，我们要胜过对人的惧怕，就要学习更加敬畏耶和华。正如韦尔契所说：”对付惧怕人最彻底的办法，就是敬畏主。在你心里，神必须比人更大。”这意味着要去学习并相信圣经一再描绘的，对神更宏大的认知。这是一生的旅程，我们最好现在就起步。

When People Are Big and God Is Small

Although Martin became a Christian seven years ago in university, he does not go to church – mainly because when he mentioned going to church many years ago, her mother said flatly, “I don’t like you going to church.”

Sally’s emotional world is at the mercy of her boyfriend’s moods. An ambiguous text from him can engulf her in worry. She accepts whatever he decides instead of speaking her mind because she is afraid to upset him.

 Call it peer pressure, people-pleasing, or co-dependency, the desire to gain the approval or to avoid the disapproval of some persons can dominate our thoughts and fears. This is a pervasive experience.

The Biblical Diagnosis

The Bible calls it “the fear of man”, and it is often accompanied by a diminished view of God. Ed Welch gets straight to the heart of the problem with the title of his excellent book When People Are Big and God Is Small – which I have appropriated as the title of this post. Note how these verses contrast fearing God and fearing people:

• “The fear of mankind is a snare, but the one who trusts in the LORD is protected.” (Prov 29:25)
• “In God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mere humans do to me?” (Psalm 56:11)
• “Don’t fear those who kill the body but are not able to kill the soul; rather, fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” (Matthew 10:28)
• “Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.” (Luke 9:26)

These verses show that the fear of man and the fear of the LORD are antithetical to each other; grow one and the other shrinks. So the scriptural diagnosis of people-pleasing is that we fear people more than we fear God. The “more than we fear God” portion is the key insight of Scripture that goes beyond merely the label of “social anxiety” from secular psychology.

Seeing Two Realities

To shift our people-centered perspective, we need to hold in our hearts the unseen reality, in addition to the seen reality. Jesus modelled this two-reality vision in his words to his disciples on the evening before His death. We might represent the two realities in John 16:32, and other verses, using this chart:

	Seen Reality	Unseen Reality
John 16:32	“Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone.”	“Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me.”
Matthew 10:28	People can kill the body.	God is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
Psalm 27:10	(David says) “my father and my mother have forsaken me”	“the LORD will take me in.”
Genesis 29-30	Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah	The LORD remembered Leah and made her fruitful

We need not deny the reality of people’s reactions toward us. But the goal is to be increasingly controlled by the right-hand column (the unseen reality) such that it occupies our focus. When we feel an inordinate desire to gain the approval or fear of the disapproval of some person, meditate on the unseen reality of God’s love and care.

Chief among the unseen realities promised by Scripture is the gospel truth that God has made a covenant with us, by the precious, imperishable blood of the Lamb, that He will never reject us. We must continually affirm to each other and ourselves the gospel truths of His unconditional love and eternal acceptance of us.

God Must Be Bigger

Ultimately, we overcome the fear of man as we cultivate a greater fear of the LORD. As Welch says, “The most radical treatment for the fear of man is the fear of the Lord. God must be bigger to you than people are.” This means learning and embracing by faith the enlarged view of God that Scripture repeatedly portrays. This is a journey of a lifetime. We had better get on.